Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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