I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
