You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
