Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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