your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
