smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
