So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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