I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The air was thick with penises
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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