I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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