It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
