someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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