Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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