get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have fence marks all over my body
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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