I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FUCK WHALES
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
