did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
