did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
