There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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