he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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