do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
