I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
