You're my little dorito
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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