can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
