you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
