She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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