He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
