I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
