I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
