I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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