But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
