this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
