Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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