Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
