she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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