I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
