remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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