i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
