Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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