Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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