I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
