i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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