I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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