so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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