Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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