She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
