MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
