So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
