all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
