The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have fence marks all over my body
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
