You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dicks are not precious.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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