Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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