I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
