The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
