just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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