It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
