What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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