Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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