I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
