I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
