I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
