i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
