i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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