this just has baby written all over it
whose parrot is this?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
