my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
