Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
