i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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