You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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