do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
