I'm gonna have a badass scar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
