Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
