Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
