So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
