i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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