He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
