my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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