yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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